Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Still Attemptin

Well I did not post last week. Mostly because I gained back all the weight that I lost. This week unfortunately does not look a whole lot better. It is 10:42 pm and way past my bed time. I could not sleep I am all worked up. I saw Cory ( the therapist) today. She was quite encouraging and it was a good hour. I also Patty (the medication lady) and we are going to try some new meds. The question is when will I have time to even fill my prescription. For the last several days I have been working on some homework for a school class. All of the work has to do with Excel right now and regarding most of it I have no idea what it is about. I think the reason I am having a hard time falling asleep is because I will be tested on it tomorrow and I don't look forward to it at all. I was laying in bed crying. Why? Probably because by the end of the day or week I feel everything catching up with me. School, work, internship, life, love, and therapy. I pray that when December 9, rolls around I will have less anxiety. I know it won't all go away, but I hope some does because I don't know if I can handle this anymore. One stress is gone a bit. At work they hired a new girl for the mornings. She will more than likely start full time next week. I am excited. One monkey off of my back for 5 minutes. If I can ever get to bed I asked Mike if we can wake up and do Walk Away The Pounds in the morning. I need to do at least 30 minutes 2 times a day with the amount of food I eat. He did say yes, but he mentioned that when we were successful 4 years ago we did it every day and some how found time when he had to commute to work. I guess just like reading the Book of Mormon, praying, and other things we do every day we need to make exercise a priority. I wish I did not feel so down and discouraged and most of all tired. I wish that when I woke up I was rested and after I exercise I feel invigorated. No such luck, but that has never been the case. Well time to weigh in is just about 48 hours away. I am glad I go with someone because I don't know if I can handle the let down. All the people I go with or who I know are going are quite successful. I really need to use them as a motivator. I stepped on the scale right before bed and it did not tell me happy news. All I can say is tomorrow is a new day and all I need to do is keep trying. It won't get better unless I make an attempt to change. Lets cross our fingers.
Good Night Everyone!

Sunday, October 09, 2005

My First Accountability

Well I went to Weight Watchers on Thursday night. I actually lost a little bit. I know I should take more credit then I want to give myself. I had been quite sick before weighing in. Throwing up several times during the week so I try to brush off the weight loss. So here it goes. On September 29 I weighed 205.6. Since starting Weight Watchers over four years ago this is just about the most I have weighed. Gaining back just a bit more than half of my weight back. On October 6 I weighed in at 202.4 with a total loss of -3.2 from last week. When I started this round of Weight Watchers back in July of this year I weighed 204.6. So from then to now I have lost -2.2 pounds. They talked about Storyboarding with us this last week. Storyboarding is a Weight Watchers Tools for Living. Mike had the opportunity to come with me this last week and we both took a sheet and wrote a small goal we wanted. Then we wrote the steps we were going to do to get there. After filling it out we posted it on a door where we can see it all the time. I have completed my first step every day this week. I am very happy about this progress. I need to have faith and hope that I will be able to continue. Not counting today just about 4 more days till I weigh again. I will be able to succeed.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

I Need A New Start

I am sitting here on the couch. It is cold outside today, and I feel miserable still. As of this date, I have been sick for nearly three weeks. I finally have one day where I can sit and relax for a couple of hours. I have the movie The Hours on, but honestly I am not really watching it. I am trying to get a small paper started for my Persuasive Selling class due Friday. I am also reading a website (dwlz.com). Dotti is a woman who has struggled with her weight loss, but with creating this website she has helped hundreds--maybe even thousands--of other women with their daily battle. My battle is still here and ever present as well. After losing 40 pounds, I have gained about half of it back. The weight gain is devastating to me. While looking at Dotti's site today, I saw that she is doing weekly check-ins. I think I am going to try that. I know it should be enough to be accountable to myself, but right now I guess it is not satisfactory. So I think from now on every Thursday or Friday after I go to Weight Watchers on Thursday nights, I am going to update here on the blog. I am going to put all of the nitty gritty details. Maybe I will find support from others and hopefully even from myself. I will use tomorrow evening as my starting off point. Mike has a goal to get us to lose 20 pounds by Christmas. I know that is a reasonable goal. In all honesty, I have not found the ultimate desire/focus that I need or that I had 4 years ago. It doesn't help that being sick doesn't motivate me to do a dang thing. Sometimes it is hard to even be at Curves and teach women how to workout when I can't do it myself on a daily basis. Granted, I did move around a lot more than I have been, but I did puke at work last night. So maybe it was not a good idea. We will see. I will try it again today. Look forward to the next three months. Send me emails with your support. Love, Hallie