No Better Way

Well, I turned 33 last Sunday. And I spent the weekend with the boys and I would not have done it any differently. Friday we got lunch and went to Belle Isle Park. It was BEAUTIFUL! I love living in Detroit. How lucky we are to have a park like that. Afterwards we drove to a yummy pizza joint called Pizza Papalis that I read about on a friend's blog.

Saturday we went to the West Park Farmers Market. It was opening weekend and it is not very big but it was a nice little walk from our house. We then drove out to Royal Oak and ate breakfast at Cafe Muse (which was rated in Esquire Magazine to have one of the best sandwiches in the U.S.) and really enjoyed ourselves and all of the ladies enjoyed Landon. After stuffing ourselves at breakfast we walked the streets of downtown Royal Oak and went into some eclectic shops and Landon saw his first train. After our little jaunt we headed over to Detroit's Historic Eastern Market. Wish we had some cash on us as boy there were LOTS of plants we wanted to buy. Gave us a lot of things to think about for our garden we want to plant. We topped off our evening by taking a trip to Coldstone for my free ice cream. It was so big that is what I had for lunch and dinner, but boy did I love it.

My actual birthday, Sunday, was dumb as it was Branch Conference and we spent seven hours at church, but most Sundays are like that, so not much different. Then the missionaries came over and stayed until after 9:00 pm. Sure glad I celebrated the days before. I think deep down I am a big birthday celebrator so I hope as Landon gets older he will really love his birthdays.

When I went to get Landon up from one of his naps today he made me laugh. I opened the door to his room and he was moving around his crib like a dolphin with the biggest grin in the world and I love those little bottom two teeth. I then picked him up to change his diaper and he was jumping in my arm like a Jack - in - the - Box. I am in love with his enthusiasm.

The First Time

My first Mother's Day was great! Poppy made me all kinds of fun things for breakfast and it was yummy! Landon gave me ( via Grandpa Owens) a great digital frame! As soon as it came in the mail Mike helped me quickly load it with all of our favorite Landon photos. I love looking at it while we work on our Eric Dowdle puzzle of Santa Barbara. A fun little side note while in Utah we went to the gallery at Thanksgiving Point where Eric Dowdle has his art and while looking around he came and spoke to us. He was a great guy to talk to and had some great thoughts regarding church membership. This is the third time we have met him and love his art work. Another thought I had about Mother's Day is in all honesty it is more fun to actually celebrate Mother's Day by having a child or have had children than it is to be one of the 18 years and older women to stand up to receive your chocolate or flower in Sacrament. I understand the idea why they make everyone stand up but there was definitely something behind having a child in your arms, even if he did not come out of my guts. I in turn give Natalie all the credit for helping me be able to finally celebrate this day.

Adoption Finalization

The first week of May has tended to be eventful for our family. From fun vacations to graduations, we have often spent this week on some new adventure. This year was no exception. We flew out to Salt Lake from Detroit last week so we could finish the final legal process of adopting Landon as our son. Here are just a few photos from our exciting weekend in Utah. We wanted to document the event, and we had Stacy from Three Winks Studio (the same woman that took Riley and Breanne’s wedding photos) take the professional photos you see here. You can check out Stacy's blog that has some photos at http://threewinksstudio.blogspot.com/.

The process of formalizing our adoption took place in three stages, one legal, and two spiritual or church-related. On Friday, we went to family court, where we had the opportunity to be made the legal parents of Landon. When Jodi our social worker gave her recommendation to the judge regarding us as parents our hearts just leapt with joy. We thank her for that. We are grateful that Stacy was there to document the time before we went in, a picture with Judge Iwasaki, and afterwards with all of the workers from Open Heart Adoptions. It was a great day for photos, and you can't beat Salt Lake in the spring (although Detroit is pretty nice, too—definitely not as dry. All three of us were parched in that mountain air!). All of the flowers were out just waiting for us to come. What does a family of three do to celebrate this occasion? Go to Paradise Bakery for breakfast. It is Hallie's favorite place and we enjoyed our breakfast and conversation that we had with a family in the booth next to us.

Saturday was the peak of the three days. We had the opportunity to be sealed to Landon in the Salt Lake Temple. What a beautiful experience it was and we were grateful to be surrounded by family and friends. We enjoyed walking into the sealing room and seeing people there supporting us. The sealer spoke a bit to us, and then they wheeled Landon in to the room in a little white stroller. They had him all dolled up in a little white outfit. We took one look at him and both started to cry. We will have that mental image in our minds forever. After the sealing some of our guests stayed around so we could take pictures with Stacy. It was a lot of fun and Landon was tuckered out by the afternoon. We all headed over to the Nauvoo Cafe at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building and had a great lunch!

On Sunday, we blessed Landon in our former Salt Lake Eleventh Ward, and we again visited with friends and family. The biggest highlight was that Landon’s birth mom, Natalie, came and shared time with Landon and us. She and her fiancé (now husband) Jared came and spent Sunday School and Sacrament Meeting visiting with us and our family and giving us a few more insights about Landon’s birth family that we can share with him as he grows older. In all, this has been a wonderful experience, and we feel glad to have both Landon and the support of so many loved ones in our lives.

(5/8/08, We had to add something as a post script.) Mike was writing a bit about this weekend to our friend (spiritual twin sister? ;) ) Jenny, and he had to add this little bit to this post: "[The adoption finalization experience we had] was another instance of the Good Lord gently showing His great grace in elegantly simple yet profound ways. I think Natalie had a chance to verify that she had done Landon right, I know we felt so much more bound to Landon and so much love from those around us, and I believe this little miracle helped members of our family and our ward to appreciate the unique gift of adoption in our lives. A few years ago I do not think I would have been able to see things this way, but I love the fact that Landon came to us how he came to us. He's a special little person with a big set of experiences ahead of him, and I really think he will appreciate that this was how his story in mortality began."

Time Flies

In his usual way Landon posed for pictures on and around his six month birthday. I can't believe that yesterday he turned six month old. He turned six month just in time for me to take him today for his first reading time at the library. There were lots of kids there with their parents. It was very interactive and I think he quite liked it. Most of the kids were older and bigger than Landon but he doesn't seem to be intimidated. When Mike is gone for a long time I like to take pictures of Landon. He is a good sport. Landon and I spent some of Tuesday outside reading Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Landon met the neighbor who has a dog that was of average size but a lot. bigger than him. The dog came right up to his face and he just starred at the dog. I guess not knowing what to do. It was quite amuzing to watch him react. He is a good sport when we take him with us to meetings, outside activities, and anything else his crazy parents want him to experience. The desires we have for Landon are big and we hope he will be willing to at least give some of things in the future a try.

We leave on Tuesday for Salt Lake City for our adoption finalization. There are so many things we are looking forward to doing while in town. I hope we have lots of room in our suitcase to bring fun stuff. I am really looking forward to going to Deseret Book and buying all kinds of fun books for Landon. We have an itinerary planned and are excited to take pictures of Landon at the Y, the U, Kennecott Copper Mine, Gardner Village and anything else we think he deserves his picture in front of. Landon will be on a plane for his 7th and 8th times and now that he is a bit older I cross my fingers he will be a good traveler. He will definitely win all of the people over on the plane with his cute eys. I am sure we will have a lot to write about when we get back. Much good will happen over the next 10 days.

Field Trip

It is definitely a sign of changing attitudes that our post about Landon’s circumcision generated as much commentary as it did! While the practice seems to be diminishing in the West, where (presumably) hygienic practices and access to medical support are making the operation less necessary for health reasons, it is on the rise (pun not intended) in Africa, where its health benefits are lauded. We appreciate the time people took to make comments, and we value your opinions and advice. As noted in our initial entry, we sought a wide range of opinions and advice before making the decision, and while it has changed our little guy, the decision we made was based 1) on our concerns for his best interest, and 2) on our trying our best to be guided by our faith concerning matters which, frankly, we do not have the expertise to decide alone. Like our and Natalie’s initial choice to bring him into our family through adoption, the bottom line is that we felt enough confident in the advice we received that we understand the decision we made was the right one, current or past norms or vogues or opinions notwithstanding. We are sensitive to the reality that Landon will probably endure (as we ourselves have already endured) a whole series of interrogations as he grows up as an adopted child in an era where current norms, vogues, and opinions reject that practice, as well. However, his birth parents and his adoptive parents agreed together that, despite the controversy, and despite the fact that he is no longer part of his “natural” family, he is in the condition he needs to be as our son. While being circumcised is a change from his natural physical state, the majority of American boys continue to be circumcised, so he will stand more of a chance of being like his peers in at least that regard (he may decide differently for his sons as majority norms change). We stand by our choices in both instances. Thank you to those of you who wished Landon a swift recovery! He is healing well, and he continues to mature and provide us with new surprises every day!

Mama, Poppy, and the Bambino took a trip up to East Lansing so Mike could attend a conference and Hallie and Landon could get out of the house. It was a perfect spring day, with daffodils and magnolias in bloom, warm sun, low humidity, high wispy clouds, birds chirping, and everything and everybody coming to life. We enjoyed ice cream at the MSU Dairy and were reminded of going to the BYU creamery. The Spartan campus is beautiful. At the conference, Mike learned about international issues in education, especially between China and Michigan as they form new partnerships. The handwriting is on the wall. In Mike's opinion, Landon and other American kids of his generation would be well advised to learn Mandarin as a practical skill. Mike's Spanish has served him well in a context where increasing Latin American influence is being felt here in the US, and he imagines that China's influence in the US will grow as well. So, rather than running away, we will help Landon face his Chinese contemporaries with a hearty 你好! (Ni hao! Hello!)

"Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow" (or "Father and Son Get Snipped")

Spring has (finally) come to the 313, and with hopes of warm weather, I have opted again for a bald face. Everyone at church noticed; no one at work has said a word. Landon cracks me up. He thinks he knows it's me, but he keeps staring. "Is that really my old man? Where's the fuzz? Is that REALLY him? The voice sounds right. He smells like poppy. But is it him, really? Where'd poppy go? I'm hungry. FEED ME!" Who knows what really is going on in that critter's wee noggin. Oh, I do know one thing: "My willy hurts"--we circumcised the boy yesterday. One of the drawbacks of having adopted Landon is that we were unable to have any real say in what happened to him right after he was born, even though we received him within two days after he was born. Normally, he would have been circumcised in the hospital, but insurance and placement papers and other issues we still don't fully understand led to us having to wait until he was old enough to be anesthetized. We seriously considered just letting it slide, but we finally figured to benefits outweighed the risks (after more than a little research and consults with friends who are MDs or MDs in training), so there it is. So far, he seems to be adjusting--sore, but adjusting, as are we. He had never pulled a water spout on us until yesterday.

In other news, for my birthday I have graduated to "grown up" Legos. In other words, both of my birthday presents, a barbeque grill and a bicycle, came with assembly required. For whatever reason, I finally realized how similar the instructions were to Lego building instructions, just more advanced. Yes, I will admit it. I read the instructions and followed them. All the he-men can groan, but I know that I have a functioning BBQ that won't explode and a bike that won't fall out from under me, and I'm happy for that.

"It is always there, right where you are; if you seek it, obviously you do not see it." ~Muso Kokushi

Just some random reflections. . . .

Ten years ago I bought my first house, a condo in Simi, which Hallie and I still own and which has been a well-needed revenue source since we converted it to a rental nearly eight years ago. Maybe it’s because my 35th birthday is coming up, but I have begun reflecting lately on how these milestones and others, like my mission, graduating with my bachelor’s degree, getting my first real job, my marriage to Hallie, trips to Nova Scotia and Buenos Aires, all happened years, rather than months ago. And yet, although the contrast between the photos and the person who I see in the mirror tells me otherwise, I still feel so young and inexperienced. I just became a dad. I only recently graduated. I just got my second real job. We only recently bought our first real house. And the reality is that, despite the 19- to 21-year-old missionaries’ and small children’s observations to the contrary, I am still quite young at three and a half decades old. After all, I’m not reflecting on accomplishments that happened decades ago, only ones that are at most a decade and a half (or so) gone by.

I don’t know what is a more accurate evaluation: that I really haven’t done a whole lot with the time I’ve been given, or that I have, but I don’t have a lot to show for it externally, or something else. Many men my age have a quiver full of children (is that really an accomplishment? Making babies seems separate from raising children. A quiver full of—or even one or two—happy, well-adjusted children, maybe) or millions (even billions) of dollars to their name. Others my age have already made their significant contributions to the world and have passed on. As to what I have to give, I am trying to give it a day at a time, and a little each day. I have neither the charisma of a prophet or a politician nor the artistic sensibility of a great painter or musician, but I appreciate so much the great creative works that those people of true genius have given the world with the time they did have. I keep wondering about my own contribution, and that is mostly because I have always assumed I (and each one of us) had one to make. The older I have gotten, the less ambitious I have become about that contribution, and the more I have come to realize that it takes something truly remarkable that I am not sure I possess to make the kind of creative contribution I had assumed we all had the capacity and obligation to give to this world. Then again, maybe I was right, and the problem is that only a few of us catch on to and understand what all of us are capable of doing.

Ironically, I think my great challenge is not finding the great task I was meant to do, but letting go of my ego and my selfish pride enough to simply do what I need to do to help others and live in ways that show a genuine love and regard for others and their unique contributions to the world from day to day. As a teacher, my job has been to bring out the best in others, to inspire them to catch on to who they are and what they can do, and every so often when I see a student whose mind has been expanded or who feels more confident, I feel like maybe I am doing what I was made to be here to do. I need to go back and reread President Benson’s talk on pride. Here’s a parting thought. When Hallie used to work at Franklin Covey, there was a quotation in the back office that I would read whenever I came to visit. Its basic message stuck with me, and just today I remembered enough of it to find it online:

“When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.”

The source is uncertain. As far as I can tell it’s either from an unknown monk from about 1100 AD, or it’s from Rabbi Israel Salanter, a nineteenth century professor.

Confucius put the same sentiments this way:

“To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.”

And so, today I will continue to work on the heart of the one person whose heart I have the responsibility to change and set right.