Still Attemptin

Well I did not post last week. Mostly because I gained back all the weight that I lost. This week unfortunately does not look a whole lot better. It is 10:42 pm and way past my bed time. I could not sleep I am all worked up. I saw Cory ( the therapist) today. She was quite encouraging and it was a good hour. I also Patty (the medication lady) and we are going to try some new meds. The question is when will I have time to even fill my prescription. For the last several days I have been working on some homework for a school class. All of the work has to do with Excel right now and regarding most of it I have no idea what it is about. I think the reason I am having a hard time falling asleep is because I will be tested on it tomorrow and I don't look forward to it at all. I was laying in bed crying. Why? Probably because by the end of the day or week I feel everything catching up with me. School, work, internship, life, love, and therapy. I pray that when December 9, rolls around I will have less anxiety. I know it won't all go away, but I hope some does because I don't know if I can handle this anymore. One stress is gone a bit. At work they hired a new girl for the mornings. She will more than likely start full time next week. I am excited. One monkey off of my back for 5 minutes. If I can ever get to bed I asked Mike if we can wake up and do Walk Away The Pounds in the morning. I need to do at least 30 minutes 2 times a day with the amount of food I eat. He did say yes, but he mentioned that when we were successful 4 years ago we did it every day and some how found time when he had to commute to work. I guess just like reading the Book of Mormon, praying, and other things we do every day we need to make exercise a priority. I wish I did not feel so down and discouraged and most of all tired. I wish that when I woke up I was rested and after I exercise I feel invigorated. No such luck, but that has never been the case. Well time to weigh in is just about 48 hours away. I am glad I go with someone because I don't know if I can handle the let down. All the people I go with or who I know are going are quite successful. I really need to use them as a motivator. I stepped on the scale right before bed and it did not tell me happy news. All I can say is tomorrow is a new day and all I need to do is keep trying. It won't get better unless I make an attempt to change. Lets cross our fingers.
Good Night Everyone!

My First Accountability

Well I went to Weight Watchers on Thursday night. I actually lost a little bit. I know I should take more credit then I want to give myself. I had been quite sick before weighing in. Throwing up several times during the week so I try to brush off the weight loss. So here it goes. On September 29 I weighed 205.6. Since starting Weight Watchers over four years ago this is just about the most I have weighed. Gaining back just a bit more than half of my weight back. On October 6 I weighed in at 202.4 with a total loss of -3.2 from last week. When I started this round of Weight Watchers back in July of this year I weighed 204.6. So from then to now I have lost -2.2 pounds. They talked about Storyboarding with us this last week. Storyboarding is a Weight Watchers Tools for Living. Mike had the opportunity to come with me this last week and we both took a sheet and wrote a small goal we wanted. Then we wrote the steps we were going to do to get there. After filling it out we posted it on a door where we can see it all the time. I have completed my first step every day this week. I am very happy about this progress. I need to have faith and hope that I will be able to continue. Not counting today just about 4 more days till I weigh again. I will be able to succeed.

I Need A New Start

I am sitting here on the couch. It is cold outside today, and I feel miserable still. As of this date, I have been sick for nearly three weeks. I finally have one day where I can sit and relax for a couple of hours. I have the movie The Hours on, but honestly I am not really watching it. I am trying to get a small paper started for my Persuasive Selling class due Friday. I am also reading a website (dwlz.com). Dotti is a woman who has struggled with her weight loss, but with creating this website she has helped hundreds--maybe even thousands--of other women with their daily battle. My battle is still here and ever present as well. After losing 40 pounds, I have gained about half of it back. The weight gain is devastating to me. While looking at Dotti's site today, I saw that she is doing weekly check-ins. I think I am going to try that. I know it should be enough to be accountable to myself, but right now I guess it is not satisfactory. So I think from now on every Thursday or Friday after I go to Weight Watchers on Thursday nights, I am going to update here on the blog. I am going to put all of the nitty gritty details. Maybe I will find support from others and hopefully even from myself. I will use tomorrow evening as my starting off point. Mike has a goal to get us to lose 20 pounds by Christmas. I know that is a reasonable goal. In all honesty, I have not found the ultimate desire/focus that I need or that I had 4 years ago. It doesn't help that being sick doesn't motivate me to do a dang thing. Sometimes it is hard to even be at Curves and teach women how to workout when I can't do it myself on a daily basis. Granted, I did move around a lot more than I have been, but I did puke at work last night. So maybe it was not a good idea. We will see. I will try it again today. Look forward to the next three months. Send me emails with your support. Love, Hallie

It Has Already Begun!

School started for me at LDSBC on Monday. Where did all of my friends go? It seemed as if I had never been there before. I knew no one. I was happy though to see staff members that are kind, helpful, and loving. Today I saw a friend I met at school over a year ago. That was kind of good. I have been really tired the last two days, getting up early for school and then going straight to work. This may be more than I want to do right now. Be a manager, go to school full time, dealing with depression and anxiety. I sit here with heavy eyes. I just have to get through it and I will be done in 16 weeks.
Mike starts school on Wednesday. If he can make it through this semester as well he will be one step closer to finishing the Ph.D. I just hope he can continue on this course, just so he can feel this sense of accomplishment.

How I Spent My Summer

Ah, Summer! Still some time left to play before getting back to school in earnest. Mike spent the last six weeks teaching high school students in the University of Utah's Upward Bound Summer Academic Enrichment Program. I taught English composition and supervised the magazine internship. Here you see the finished product of my students' labors. When I saw the pride my students had in their job well done, I felt rewarded for my efforts. Last night we had the closing banquet, and it was like a mini United Nations in the Union Ballroom. Hallie and I sat at a table with a family from Vietnam, at the table next to us sat an extended Polynesian family, at the table in front of us sat a Mexican family, and katty corner from us sat a family from Somalia. Here were all these families from all these backgrounds, all sharing the same ambition for their children: a chance to grab the dream of a college education. Hallie and I chatted with students and their families and enjoyed the different presentations. Whenever I write in this thing, I feel as though I should have something more profound or at least witty to say. "The romance of writing a blog," I suppose. Anyway, summer was spent teaching and otherwise trying to beat the heat. Hallie has been made manager at her Curves franchise, and now she has a new set of snazzy business cards. I have yet to figure out where I want to take my dissertation. Some (most?) people seem to go into their PhD programs knowing what it is they want to study. Alls I know is that I want to learn about how to make schools places where students learn something meaningful. That's what I liked about doing UB this summer. For the most part, my students learned a little bit more about how to write and think about writing. Hopefully they will take some of that awareness back to school in the fall (in two weeks! Yikes!). Teaching is a funny thing in that we all profoundly need people who help us learn skills and dispositions, and yet the act of helping someone acquire skills can seem so pedestrian. Teaching is anything but glamorous, rarely dangerous, and certainly not held in high esteem. You want danger, look at my friend Toby. The guy's training to fight in Iraq. Do I admire him? You bet. Would I trade him places? No chance. Does that make me a coward? Probably. Ramble ramble ramble

A Bit of Reflection/Canada Day

Today I went to my visiting teacher's sister's funeral. I went because my visiting teacher has also been a good friend. Her sister was young (only 26) and has been quite ill her whole entire life. It gives you a lot to think about after hearing what a great life this young girl led. Gives you reason to change. Today is also Canada Day. We ate perogies last night to commemorate. This morning as is our monthly tradition we at a Kinder Egg, and my toy was great! The Canadian Flag is hanging in the window as well. Speaking of Canada, there is a real estate company from Nova Scotia that sends me real estate listings every week. I really look forward to it. Yesterday in the email was sent the cutest little house in Annapolis Royal for $79,900. Man, if Mike had a good steady job I think I would have bought it without asking him. We would have used it mostly as a vacation home or a rental. For my birthday we went to Disneyland and this is a picture of my sister Carly and her husband Shad and me. We had a lot of fun and were sure tired afterward. Well, at work they want me to be manager. I said yes that I was interested, but things are going forward without the owners filling me in on much. I actually was going to tell them no yesterday, but they caught me to ask me to help train someone before I could back out. Dang it! I will survive. I always have.

Goin' back to Cali

To celebrate Hallie and her sister's birthdays, we headed down to California for about a week. During that time we went to Disneyland and California Adventure, and we visited with our folks and sisters.